Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Getting through!

There are moments you want to fall apart. Just so simply, to brake in small pieces and let that all fly to some easy place. There is no reason why. These days just sometimes happen. Emotionally you feel incredibly empty, you can't figure out where all things are lost or where have you wasted all you had in the morning. Maybe it is just a day full of work and running that took feelings away. Maybe it is some incredible monster who filled you with desperate wish of going away and leaving everything, everywhere, but mainly leaving today as soon as possible.
This is feeling that we have often - when day was too tiring, there are more to do than time or capacity. This is feeling when you open door to house where no one waits for you or you do not want anyone to wait for you. There are difference between alone and lonely. You can't be alone, there are people all around you, but you can stand in the middle of crowd, sit to table with friends and feel that urge of loneliness growing inside of you.
What to do? This is question we ask each day, each moment when we feel. To do some things, to let go, push away, fight or just wait? What is way we take or we need to take? I do not have certain answer. I know that people do not help, it is all about you. About the way you feel, get through. It is not about getting over, it is about getting through. Understand what makes you feel happy and alive. What and why you belong to world and why world belongs to you. Then just stand up and go. Shopping is not the best choice. Go grab some coffee in bar or sandwich place you like together with amazing book you want to read, but never find time for. Take a shower and cry as much as you can, clear the bulb of your soul, cook the most amazing cake you dear to taste today, search for crazy idea or just do one which messes your mind for some months, hours or years. There are a lot of options what to do, where to go. But important - do not hope that someone from outside, some friend will save you. It is not about being alone, it is about being lonely. And we are lonely inside. I hope there is someone who just shares your feeling without taking, someone who hugs without asking, this also is why we have our beloved. To feel us.
What I am going to do today? I do not have a clue. Maybe take a drive to McDonald's for cappuccino and take some book with me or more likely will take a shower to warm up and clean my soul. Afterwords get a choco pudding. This can be a way .. Sleep helps too. The easiest would be to ignore. Doesn't work anymore. Fortunately or unfortunately?

Ecological footprint..

Just did my ecological footprint. I would need 2.6 Planets Earth to provide enough resources for my lifestyle. The most goes for food sector.
Decided to explore scenarios I can take to change my footprint.

What if I would reduce the amount of animal-products I am eating by half?
What if I reduced distances I am traveling with car?
What if I would use solar panels to provide electricity for house I am living in?
What if all appliances would be energy efficient?
What if I would avoid flying?

This all would bring me to more sustainable living.
I am not really convinced.
Thinking about other sustainable ways,
These couldn't be only ones .. I do not want to give up meat or Chinese food ..