Saturday, September 13, 2008

Old.

I am thinking about everyday, about life, changes, feelings and Me. Too much of things. What mean my feelings and needs, why I'm doing things like this, why going throught days and nights without believe and trust in felings, in love. Feeling something like pain, dissapoint, but in the same time wining and strongness. Everyone is going to something, to life with other person, to loneliness, to carieer, development, some wants family. Relationships and search for love, whish to be loved, to be in safe and have strong shoulder to hold your hand, cry a bit and get some support. Is it all what we need? Are our needs equal with our wishies?

Today I met my past, attitude and lifeway.

Going throught feeling pain, emocional violence from person whom you loved, maybe just a bit, but fact. It isn't thing what I wanted racionally. I think that love, if it is, must transform, must not go away and leave our sense, but just be in some other manner, being not so strong, not addicted as it was. The past should be possitive, it must be just memories which make no sense on your feelings. Its theory of erasing source of pain, to forget and go forward to life. Trying to get it work.

* I was standing and thinking how to say goodbye to a person, without whom I can't imagine I can live. I didn't say goodbye. I went a longest way. I went to life, to erase source of this love in my heart, to erase pain that it was making.

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