Saturday, September 13, 2008

A day before yesterday ..

I was looking to a photos and thinking why she was better than me. I know I searched for photos with aim to see how they looked together. In a process of search I felt a bit nervous, I didn't knew what will be my emotions for that. She looked so happy and easy, something like me in start of game. It is nice to get a look back and find ideas, get understand mistakes or just wrong steps or way I went. I took a challenge to find our photos. The surprise of mine was in moment when I understand that he didn't looked at me in our photos, but looked at her in their photos. You know but amazing was feeling when I understand that I'm not having emotions to it, that I have started to step over and the biggest step was made. Today I saw them online - both. Maybe I was not so ready as I was thinking. Ok, thats one more evidence that I understand and go forward.

Today my mind was open and related to closed - to my friends and family, to myself. I opened my skype and there was he and text - lost. Why it made my focus on, was it or he noteworty? This is my interesting question, but it make no sense, it make no point, he isn't mine, his problems aren't my need or duty. In some ways I'm starting to think that I became too senseless, disinterest in his life. I suppose it is because I started and I am keeping erasing and not feeling that stupid but didactic pain and situation. I go for next.

I found idea why it made me interested, I get feelings, but it was not love, but feeling him, I can't explain this, but I feel him, form that day, when I saw - lost- I felt nervous about him, I met him in mall and it was sorry sight, He called me after some hours and asked strange questions. I said too many good things, a lot of thinks from my imagination and needed things to say, there was a bit of true... unfortunately, but I know that he need that from me and I forgive him all that stuffs .. because I need it for myself.. for future life, here in not him, but me.. value of today and tomorrow.

*sunrise on my beautiful life avenue

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